Because of Her

When I was a kid, I’m so girly; from the way I dress, up to my favorites. My mom always treat me like a baby, she always buy me cute stuffs and everything she sure I will love. But that was before.

When I was in Grade 6, my brother was always playing online games (special force, crossfire, point blank and many more), sometimes I watch him. At first, I’m so confused how he play that, so, he explain to me how to play online games, and  it caught my attention. There’s no days that I didn’t watch my brother played online games (specially pointblank), to the point that I almost knew all the different types of guns in his game. Everything that boys likes, I tried to figure out, like watching flip top battles, listening to rap songs, and I even try playing my brother’s game. But that doesn’t affect my physical appearance. Not until I went to High School.

As I went to High school, I feel like everything changed. I had a classmate, a girl classmate, to be specific, that is so opposite of mine. She’s so quiet and always wearing her earphones. I didn’t approach her because I don’t know how to. So, the first year we had, we’re not close and I think never will be close. I don’t know how, when and where we became close.We get to know each other and she’s so cool. I love her styles so I copy how she dresses; always wearing black and earphone’s always on. I felt like I was cool too. we became best friends and when we’re in grade 9, she introduce her new favorite band and as time goes by,  I liked it too. Because of that band (5sos), We started to make a band too, but we don’t know how to play instruments. So, she motivates me to study to play guitar,learn and practice. I’d study many songs, until I can finally do it. And then I realize, I changed a lot. Because of her, I change how I should be dressed, & what should I dress. She take me out of my comfort zone and take me to the adventurous journey of my life. But, on the other side of my happiness was hiding her sadness. She was broken because of a guy she really love. I was the only one who’s always giving advice to her. I don’t know. I love her and I don’t want to see my best friend crying, because it hurts. So, I always try to make her happy but even though she’s smiling and laughing, she’s not happy inside. But now, she’s trying to move forward and letting past, be just a beautiful yesterday & that’s why I admire her so much. Because even though she’s really hurt, she still managed to smile. She’s fooling us that she’s happy to the point where even she, herself, fools.

5 years and still counting, Time flew fast… It’s been 5 years and we’ve been closer and closer, thank you for changing me. Thank you for encouraging me to do things that I thought I couldn’t do. Don’t cry again,you’ve been a tough and strong lady, Love yourself until someone came and love you more than you love yourself. Always remember that, even though I’m not the best in your friends, I’m always here and will never leave in times you’re really down. Your smiles, laughs and corny jokes will always be loved. You’re my cuddle buddy and the only one Drummer in my life, REBECCA A. MANDAPAT (H. E. 1 -Mapagkalinga)

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For the First Time…

When I was in High school; I’m aware in love, because I always see it everywhere, you know.. love birds, couples or whatsoever. And sometimes, watching them makes me laugh because one time, they’re so happy; the smiles on their faces and the sparks in their eyes.. and then one time, they’re crying so hard. They’re really hurt, emotionally, though I don’t know the feeling of being hurt emotionally, but based on their reactions, it really is, hurt. And with that, I promise to myself to never play in the fire of love.

But love was too Playful. I met him unexpectedly because of our parents. We became friends. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t know when and how we became close, we knew each other’s weaknesses. Time flew fast; we became closer, to the point that he courted me without my parents’ consent. That was fun. I enjoy his accompany, he treated me the way how a girl should be treated, and he always makes my day. Everything seems so perfect. And then I realize, Am I inlove? Because it is so new to me and the feeling was so good. But everything changed. I don’t know what, how, & when it went wrong. He became cold and distant. I ask him so many times “what’s wrong?” but he never answered. Until I decided to go in their house and visit him. And there, I knew the truth. I heard in his brother that he already have a girlfriend. I ask him personally, and it hurts. It’s true.I don’t know what’s painful; knowing that he had a girlfriend or thinking that he waste his time proving that he likes me? I don’t know. I can’t feel anything. I can’t cry, I don’t wanna cry. So, I just think that what hurts inside me was just my ego. I went home and straight to my room. As I lay in bed, tears started to escape in my eyes while the broken pieces of my heart is still  breaking into pieces. I laugh to the thought that before, I was laughing  watching them crying because of love but now, look at me, also crying because of love.

For the First time, I feel broken. For the first time, I cry because of a guy and for the first time, I felt lost. I don’t know where and when to start. *sighs* I didn’t knew that love can be so cruel. Love, love, love… Love can turn you into someone you never expect you’ll ever be.

 

~fearlessowl